Removing the thorns
by InkedMind16
Summary: Bucky Barnes has been put into Cryo to prevent further tragedy and to escape his guilt for now. But T'Challa has found someone who can remove the programming and triggers. Ava, a retired superhero, hates her new job but as a step beyond hypnotherapy, she's in demand and T'Challa has made sure she will be working closely with Bucky on his issues. [POST- CIVIL WAR]. Bucky/OC
1. Chapter 1 - First meeting

I fingered the glass hesitantly as I stared at the comatose man behind it. The doctors fluttered around as they compiled facts and figures, I presumed, so they could wake the infamous Bucky Barnes up.

"Are you worried?"

I turned to see T'Challa watching me hesitantly. He seemed concerned. His brow furrowed slightly.

"Not really. Quick in and out job isn't it? Nip in, destroy the info and pinpoint negative memories. Simple." I grinned and gave him a double thumbs up. He laughed.

"You are worried," He stated. It was fact – having a peek into any individual's mind who had been through traumatic experiences was hard enough.

"They live it with me," I said as I turned back to look at the sleeping calm face of Barnes.

"Hm, yes it is not enough to remove the pain but to force those who have endured it to relive it with an audience," T'Challa nodded and walked up to the tank. We both watched the lifeless form for a few minutes.

"He will have to be restrained," I whispered. I knew Steve would be there as soon as possible, and the idea of inflicting more pain than necessary seemed grotesque. "Steve can't watch."

"I already thought of that so I have requested Steve not impose on your first session."

" _First_ session?" I turned abruptly. "T'Challa, am I to stay here? You never said anything about staying!"

"The Accords don't accommodate your natural work ethic and I need you here," T'Challa said staring straight into the tank with his arms crossed. I stepped back to lean on the desk, and took a deep breath.

 _Breathe_ , I reminded myself.

I had never done more than one session before. Ever. No matter the client or cause, I did not do multiple sessions. My talent, while excellent in removing memories or triggers or what-have-you, had become a bit like an STI; when someone has had me rummaging through their brain matter, they tended to start associating me with the negative as I was effectively forcing them to relive these traumas.

"Ava, they don't call you Sanctuary for no reason," T'Challa turned and smiled at me. His face brimmed with compassion and love. "You will stay here. With us."

·

The doctors buzzed around the defrosting form. They exacted procedures and tests continuously. Bucky stirred throughout the process. I watched as they reanimated him from the next room. Time passed before Bucky was asked to sit up.

He stared at his stump and the room. His eyes were beginning to adjust to being awake again. He blinked and there his eyes were on me. He could see me through the glass window of the room. I stared back and tried to muster a smile. It came out lopsided.

T'Challa started to guide me away by his hand on my back.

Bucky watched me walk away even as they prodded and poked at him.

·

Bucky sat in front of me. His hair drooped into his face. He had washed and I smelled the faint hint of timber and musk. He sat slumped in the chair. He didn't look at me.

"They say you're going to fix me," He looked up. His hair shifted slightly which showed more of his eyes. "How you going to do that?"

I gulped.

"This isn't going to be a pretty process. I want to get that clear now but you told T'Challa to wake you up if he could remove the HYDRA triggers from your brain. I can. I can do it. The only issue is we might have to… uhm… restrain you…?" I stumbled as I fidgeted with the papers on my clipboard. On them was everything we knew about the Winter Soldier programme, the triggers and anything else about Bucky.

"Okay. Do it." He smiled slightly. I must have looked shocked because then he said:" I can't trust my own mind anymore… I need to get it fixed and if you need to restrain me to do that then fine by me."

I gulped again.

"When I enter your mind and find the triggers as well as the memories associated with those triggers you will re-live them. It will be painful. Are you okay with that?" I asked as I looked him dead in the eye.

"Yes," He said.

"Okay, let's begin then. This will be the first of a couple of sessions to remove triggers. We will stop when you've had enough."

I instructed him to sit in the reclined chair. As I tightened the restraints around his chest, legs and arm, I said sorry in my head repeatedly.

"Ready?" I asked sitting behind his chair. I pushed his hair back from his temples and let my index and middle finger hover for a minute.

"Yes," He sighed. As soon as fingertips met his skin, I was in.

The room was dull and dark. Men in green lab coats hurried around me while some stood examining their stations. Then I saw Bucky. He was restrained in a chair similar to one I made him sit in but this time, his silver arm was restrained and he was screaming in pain. An apparatus was attached to his face over his one eye. The screaming. I have to look away. I searched the memory rather than the room. I allowed myself to trace the interconnected lines, and start my business. I got to work.

I broke away. The sweat dripped down my face and into my eyes. I blinked. Bucky stirred. I tried to regain composure and got up to grab the towel I had left on the desk. I dried myself off as I listened to Bucky awaken. His breath was heavy and strained.

I had to check who had been brought back with me. I turned to the awakened Bucky. I picked up the trigger sheet but then I looked at him. His face was pained. He looked like he had been crying. This wasn't winter soldier I had brought back but the man inside. I put down the trigger sheet and started to remove his restraints.

"How do you feel?"

"Exhausted," He sighed as I untied the restraint around his waist. I felt his breath on my skin. I was too close. I finished removing the restraints and backed up to the desk. He slumped forward and looked at his missing arm. "What did you do? Did you fix some of it at least?"

"Well I've located the triggers in your memory and the shit they did to your head, it's like trying to demolish a sky flats. You can't just blow them up, you need to remove the insides then demolish with precision. So we'll see how it goes in the next session."


	2. Chapter 2 - Sweat and burns

The gym was empty when I got there. So I slung my crap on the bench and took to the treadmill. My feet pounded into the belt, and echoed my heartbeat at first. Soon my heart was too fast, and throbbed in my ears.

I stared straight ahead. I didn't bring my iPhone so I couldn't block out the sounds of my heart and the visions that would flicker in front of me; some of them mine, some of them other peoples'. It was just a side effect of the job.

Random memories felt like blows to the chest. It doesn't hurt me but it's like being winded.

I kept running.

 _Bucky stares at his metal arm as surgeons lean over him. He flexed and the metal shimmered in the light. He grabbed the surgeon by the neck, then is stabbed with a needle._

I kept running.

 _The waiter is grabbed by the neck and the tall spindly man tried to suffocate him. The other men surged forward and the waiter is kicked repeatedly. The blood slipped from his mouth._

I kept running.

 _The needles plunge into my skin. I screamed. "Stop!" I screamed._

I kept running.

"Hey," Bucky said.

I slipped and fell. My skin burned from the friction of the belt that was still spinning. I hissed from the pain as I rolled off.

"Shit…" I whispered as I examine the friction burns that lined the outside of my right arm. Bucky leaned down and offered me his hand up.

"Sorry," He mumbled. He looked like his usual glum self. He looked cleaner. I took his hand and staggered up.

"Well we all can't be super soldiers now can we?" I tried to joke. There was an awkward silence before Bucky gave a cursory chuckle. I smiled at him. He looked away.

"So what can I do for you, Mr Barnes?" I said as I realised I was still holding his hand. I quickly let it go.

"You can call me Bucky… I… uhm… I just wanted to say thanks. Y'know for what you're doing," He shrugged.

"It's my job," I stated as I rubbed my arm. My vest top had not offered any protection from the assault of the treadmill. There was another awkward silence. "So… is Steve back yet?"

"Oh – yeah he came back yesterday. He wanted to see you in action but I told him I didn't think that would be right," He wrapped his arm around his torso, and grasped his stump. "I got the impression you wouldn't be comfortable with that either."

"Thanks, you're right," I looked down. "It's a difficult process for everyone involved so I don't think there's any need for an audience… I'm quite sure T'Challa is watching."

Bucky nodded and followed me as I walked over to get my towel.

"How are you feeling? Y'know it must be an adjustment to have only one arm. T'Challa not offered to make you a new one?" I asked as I dabbed the sweat off my head and neck.

"I don't know. It's great to not have this thing they did to me constantly reminding me but I want it back at the same time," He sighed. "T'Challa has offered but I just don't know how I feel yet."

I dabbed my chest and looked up at him. "If you want one, get one. I know it doesn't seem that simple but it is as the same time. It would be handy – pardon the pun there."

Bucky laughed and he looked at me then at the towel that was pressed to my chest. The silence resurged. I coughed.

"I would ask you to spar, I am seriously out of shape, but I don't think you'll be up for it. You've barely been awake for 2 days…"

"No, No that would be great, really," Bucky nodded excitedly. He looked eager not to be treated as an antique that had to be kept behind glass. I smiled.

We stood facing each other on the mat. "Me first?" I asked. Bucky nodded as he moved into position. I lunged forward punch first. I missed as Bucky dodged it.

"You're really slow!" He laughed. He tapped the inside of my waist as I tried to regain composure. He was showing off. Even with one arm he was still ten times better than me. I swung around with a high kick and feel the tips of his hair brush my trainer. He kicked out my feet from under me.

"C'mon, give me a chance," I laughed.

"How were you ever a superhero?" He teased as I got up slowly. "You can barely spar a one-armed man."

"I had my gifts but I don't do that anymore," I said. I lunged forward again. This time, I jumped and wrapped my legs around his neck; something I had seen Black Widow do before. Using my gravity I leaned back and swung him over me. I landed in typical superhero style with one hand on the ground and my legs crouched. He huffed out a breath.

"I was not expecting that," He chuckled as he sat up. "What did you do before?"

I turned around to face him and sat down on the mat.

"I mentally crippled people, I wouldn't even have to touch them. I just thought it and they would be on the ground in pain."

"Wow…" He said. He looked at me sheepishly.

"We have that in common, Mr Barnes, we weren't always good guys," I laughed half-heartedly. He looked out of breath. "Shall we wrap it up for today? You need to keep your strength for our appointment tomorrow."

"Yeah, I guess… Will you please call me Bucky? Mr Barnes reminds me I'm nearly 80," He smiled. "Good job." He walked me over to the door. His hair was covering his eyes. "Ava…?"

"Yeah… Bucky?"

"I was going to ask, just because there's not many people actually staying here, if you wanted to join me and Steve for a movie later on tonight? It's called… Star Trek… I think?" Bucky asked sheepishly.

"Yeah sure," I smiled. "It's a great film-"

"Oh"

"-But I don't have any other plans," I squeezed his arm and tried not to make any noise about the size of his bicep. "I'll see you later? At the living room bit?"

"It'll be in the conference room at 5? I didn't know there was a living room," Bucky grinned.

"Cool I'll see you then," I turned and tried not to skip back to my room.


	3. Chapter 3 - Sleepy Steve

T'Challa had built a labyrinth and I got lost several times as I tried to find the conference room. I did find the living room a couple of times. I walked down the same corridor for the fifth time and decided that if I didn't want to be late, I would have to locate Steve or Bucky. I stopped and took a deep breath in. Centering myself, I felt my mind drift out and sweep through the corridors and rooms. It twisted around corners and through walls like sonar. I still felt the busying workers closing down their work stations for the day. There was tired employees finally getting to go home.

Then I felt him through the web my mind had created.

He was smiling. He was happy, I could feel it. I started walking using him as a beacon.

I opened the door to see Bucky holding a bowl of popcorn, as he laughed at Steve who had obviously said something funny or naïve – it was hard to tell with Steve. Bucky smiled at me and suddenly I felt out of place. The web tingled around me, and I let out a deep breath so it evaporated around me.

"What took you so long there, Ava?" Steve grinned as he got up to let me take his seat next to Bucky which was a little awkward to say the least. "Did you get lost? We nearly had to start without you."

"Only a couple times…" I chuckled and grabbed a handful of popcorn out of the bowl on Bucky's lap. He tried to hide his face but I caught the faint mask of shock as I grabbed popcorn. The bowl had bounced slightly on his thighs.

Bucky coughed, "Shall we start then?"

"Sure," Steve smiles as he puts the disc into the laptop on the desk. "Shit..!" He fiddled about with the laptop but couldn't get it to come up on the big screen. Bucky turned around concerned.

"What?" Bucky got up and attempted to help.

"I can't get the movie to show on the screen, I don't know what I've done, Sam showed me how to do this," Steve whined and his perfect face scrunched up like a frustrated toddler. I laughed and forced the last popcorn bits in my mouth. I stood up and simply plugged in a cable to the side of the laptop. Suddenly the screen came to life. I laughed at Bucky and Steve as they stared awestruck at the cable.

"Let's watch the film," I gestured to the screen.

·

The action scene played out in front of us. The villain and the good guy battling it out as per usual. It didn't help I had seen the film multiple times. What was with this constant need for films to be classify people as good and evil? Aren't we a mix of both?

I reached back, without looking, expecting to find the bowl and froze. Bucky's fingers felt rough yet supple. I tried to remove my hand and felt his give mine a gentle squeeze.

"Sorry," I whispered.

He squeezed again before letting go of my hand: "Don't worry about it."

We both turned back to the film. I was glad he couldn't see my face. My cheeks were blushing.

·

The film ended and Steve had fallen asleep. His sleepy snores filled the room as the credits rolled to the end. Bucky was still wide awake and my blush had mellowed out by this point.

I got up and shut down the computer. Bucky chuckled at his friend – the trusty super soldier catching Zs in one of the most uncomfortable chairs in existence.

"Some super-soldier huh? Must be beat!" I giggled quietly as I stood next to Bucky and we watched the big blonde baby snooze.

"Yeah and he probably doesn't sleep well. It's the beds he told me," Bucky smiled as he wrapped his arm around his body as if to fold his arms. "They're too soft."

"How about you?" I asked.

"If I sleep, it's because I need to not because I want to," Signalling the end of that conversation, Bucky leaned forward and shook Steve's shoulder. "Steve? Steve?!"

He didn't wake up. Bucky did this a couple more times before sighing.

"STEVE!" Bucky shouted. I jumped and Bucky looked at me apologetically.

Captain America remained soundly asleep. He hadn't even stirred.

"You can go if you want? I know we have that session tomorrow early tomorrow? I'll get him back to his room" Bucky said as he tried to get me to leave. He even signalled to the door. But an one-armed Bucky carrying Steve to his room didn't sound like it would be a fun experience for Bucky.

"Here," I leant forward and pressed my index finger to Steve's forehead. Steve jolted awake. He squinted as he came to terms with being awake.

"Well I'll see you tomorrow Bucky at 9am and Steve get some proper sleep or at least take the chair back to your room," I grinned as I opened the door to leave.

Steve chuckled and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Bucky gave me a look of thanks and helped Steve up.

"Ain't she a great gal?" I heard Steve say as I walked down the hall.

"Yeah, yeah she really is," Bucky mumbled back.


	4. Chapter 4 - Vomit

_Bucky lunged at Steve with both hands grasping the knife. They slid along the side of the van as Bucky struggled to stab him._

 _"There was a man on the bridge, who was he?" Bucky stated._

 _"You met him this week on another assignment," Pierce said._

 _"I knew him," Bucky replied. His face twisted with concern and confusion._

 _"But I knew him," Bucky said before they prepared to wipe him clean._

 _The electrical currents ripped through his brain. They reinstate the triggers and commands again. It doesn't work as well this time. The web of memories was fragmented and I couldn't stand to watch Bucky squirm and moan in that chair._ _Not only that the triggers were layered._

 _Pain shot through my skull._

 _Enough._

I pulled away, gasping. My head pounded in its confines. I felt it coming up my throat immediately. I sprang up and launched myself towards the waste basket. My blonde stuck to my face as I vomited up my breakfast.

"Ava? Ava!" Bucky pulled against his restraints. "Are you okay?"

I gasped after I spat the last of it out. My breathing was labored.

"Ava!" He struggled so hard that I heard one of the restraints tear. I struggled up and turned to face him.

"Bucky, I'm fine," I said calmly. I walked over and started to undo his restraints. I found the one around his arm damaged.

He examined his arm as he sat up. He seemed unharmed from his struggle. He grabbed my wrist as I turned back to the desk, "Ava, are you okay?... Did you see something?"

I grimaced. Of course, he thought this was his fault. I had been inside his brain and he's been through some crazy stuff. I pulled a chair up so I could sit in front of him. He let go of my wrist.

"Bucky when I said before this won't be an easy process. I didn't just mean for you but for me–" I started.

"So this is my fault? Ava you don't need to do-"Bucky tried to argue as he leaned forward.

"Bucky! Let me finish," I said angrily as the memories stained my mind. "This power is not without its price. When I do what I do, when I mess with your head, I absorb some of it. Like a stain or, better yet, an infection. As I fish about in there, I collect debris. When I don't expel the debris… like I used to, it affects me physically. I vomit, I get nosebleeds, I get sick, I get bruises from everything, and I get weak. It's just how it is."

Bucky looked at me with concern, and his hand came forward slightly as if to take my hand. He didn't.

"What did you do before? To stop this."

"They made me mentally destroy people," I smiled weakly. "I would be forced to absorb all this shit and horrible stuff from the people around me then they would pick my target and I would force it into them."

Bucky sighed. He took my hand. "That doesn't sound great."

"No, it wasn't. It just was. I didn't have any sort of morality then," I said. "What that machine did to you at Hydra is what I did to other people on purpose. I didn't mind because I didn't know, I didn't know what life was. So what I do now – what I'm doing for you is my way of trying to make up for that."

Bucky smiled, "I can get that."

I squeezed his hand, "I don't mind being sick, or bleeding or even being weak because I know it's good, y'know, it's for the greater good. Bucky, you deserve to be free of this, and I can do that. It's just side effects is all."

We sat in silence for a while. Our hands linked.

"How's Steve by the way? Hope he got to sleep okay."

"Oh I think so. I got up and came straight to this appointment so I'll see him later," Bucky said as his thumb rubbed my palm. "I did see T'Challa, I've decided to get my arm back."

"I'm happy for you if that's what you want," I said as I stared at his hand. The metal arm would be an advantage again to have back.

"I was unsure at first then I realised I needed to be able to protect the people I cared about after the triggers had been removed, so T'Challa has arranged it to be done on Thursday," Bucky said.

I smiled; he seemed happy at the idea. His face was less pale than it had been since he been awoken a few days ago. He had also shaved and it was strange seeing him clean-shaven.

"We'll have your next session, next… Tuesday? If that's okay?" I asked as I analysed his hand in mine, and turned it one way then another.

"No that's fine," He said. I looked up and realised he was closer to me. He had moved into my bubble. "I know this is weird. You being my therapist of sorts but I wanted to take you out sometime? Of course, we wouldn't be leaving the complex because of me being… me."

I grinned. "Sure."


	5. Chapter 5 - Memories and explosions

I vomited again into the toilet in my en-suite. Bucky had tried to organise a time and date but I had left quickly, and explained it wasn't him but I felt extremely sick. When I got this sick, I always had flashes of my own memories that I had tried to remove come back.

 _"STOP!"I screamed in my restraints. I pulled and struggled as the needle slipped under my skin._

I had to do something. My phone buzzed on the floor. I picked it up and read the text before putting it back down. I needed to go out and be outside for a bit. T'Challa had indicated that there was a mission tomorrow that I could accompany him on. Normally, I wouldn't consider it.

I let more bile come up my throat and spat it into the toilet bowl. I could go on the mission and assuming there was bad guys, I could get rid of this energy that was burning me out. Yet the idea of giving in seemed to make me more nauseous.

Bucky wanted to have dinner the next day and I couldn't exactly be vomiting at the dinner table. I had to face the sad fact that there was costs for the gift and I couldn't ignore it.

·

Steve and T'Challa were investigating a base that had assumed Hydra affiliations. I had agreed to come much to Steve's surprise. Steve had handled me gingerly as we landed. He had filled me in and looked overly concerned when I had thrown-up just outside the entrance to the base.

T'Challa had told him to let us split up as it was easier. He knew what was coming while Steve didn't so to spare everyone the show, we went our separate ways.

I was glad to be alone and aware from the concerned gaze of Steve.

"Ava, he's on your right," Steve said in my earpiece as I turned the corner as I held the gun defensively.

"Got it." I stared at the man and fired a shot into his leg. He collapsed to the floor but he was still breathing. I grasped the back of his head and felt for his truth. Luckily enough, he was a nasty guy and used to beat his wife. I unloaded my energy into him.

A scream rang out. It was a violent scream; it curdled your blood and made you feel sick in the pick of your stomach. I had destroyed his circuitry.

"Ava? What was that?" Steve asked.

"I was dealing with him," I laughed as I felt the high. The weight had been lifted and suddenly I felt euphoria. I was giggling as the next guy appeared through the door. I kicked him in the face, and pulled the gun from his hand. I sent out a pulse and watched him hit the ground squirming.

I rushed through the door, and tackled the next guy. He was down immediately. The next guy was the same. The next five minutes descended into euphoria and I thrived in it.

"Ava?" T'challa said as he put his hand on my shoulder. I spun around and turned back to the carnage. Nearly 10 men were groaning and some were crying as they were all down around the control room. I gasped. I couldn't even remember attacking most of them. T'Challa squeezed my shoulder as Steve appeared at the opposite end of the control room. His lip was busted and bled slightly as his jaw fell open slightly at the sight.

"This is why I don't do this anymore," I said to T'Challa before I pushed past him to leave.

·

I sat by myself in the plane. Steve and T'Challa occasionally shot over looks of worry but I couldn't deal with it. To me, this wasn't cause for concern but cause for regret like an alcoholic who's been sober for a year then relapses. Steve and T'Challa chatted as quietly as possible. I rubbed my temples as the oncoming migraine faded into my brain.

·

There had been only one time I had refused to release the built-up energy. I had been working with a young girl who had been abused during civil war within her country. Her physical wounds were heinous but nothing could compare to the dilapidated web within her mind. The abuse and trauma had destroyed her and I made her relive the experience again as I tried to pry away the memories. She had wanted to forget; her parents wanted their daughter back. The girl wanted the memories removed so I removed them.

Despite the insistence of those around me, I refused my body the release. I experienced vomiting, migraines, nosebleeds, and worst of all hallucinations. The memories I had removed became mine. I stopped sleeping but even when I was awake, I didn't know what was real and what were the memories. They fused together. Past events stitched themselves seamlessly into the present.

When you're in that situation and your body is collapsing, the gift has an unusual survival mechanism. It sends out a telepathic blast. All the memories I absorbed became pure energy to be used like an electrical fry to the brain.

My own version of electrotherapy without the electricity.

In a small radius, I sent most of my fellow team into a sort of coma which they stayed in for 2 months.

My friend, Elaine, woke out and couldn't remember her name or where she grew up or her own family. I cried at her bedside as she stared at me confused.

She didn't know who I was but I had done this to her through stupidity.

That was 7 years ago.


	6. Chapter 6 - Burning and Kisses

Feeling the morning afterglow of the day before, I decided to start the day with some sparring in the gym just to brush off any energy that may be brewing. A completely different type of energy that came with the release. Something I could never get a handle on. It was like a sugar rush but with an eerie calm focus.

Sweat dripped from my forehead as I punched into the bag. My hands burning from the repeated collision with the hard bag. I breathed heavily as I continued to duck and punch the bag full-force. I started to use my legs and landed several strong kicks. The bag swung with the force of the last one. Music pulsed through my headphones as I continued to pour myself into the fight.

The beat and guitar of the song vibrated through my limbs as I upped a gear. I was pushing myself past a limit that I usually reserved for actual combat. The bag was taking a pounding. I landed a myriad of frenzied blows. I landed one last punch and watched the bag collapse to the floor. I pulled out a headphone as I looked at the broken chain. I put the headphone back in, sighed and tugged at the chain before throwing it back down forcefully.

A hand touched my arm. I instinctively grabbed it and pinned the hand's owner against the ground in one swift move. I finally looked at my prey in the face.

"Shit," I whispered. "I'm so sorry..." I let go of Bucky's hand and removed my instinctive forearm which had been pressed into his throat. I had obviously taken him by surprise. I couldn't have taken the winter soldier in proper combat.

"It's good..." He chuckled as his eyes moved from my face down to my chest and I smirked. I was still on top of him. My breath shuddered as I felt his body under mine. "It's really good..." He whispered as he finally looked back up at my face. I smiled. In that moment, if I hadn't pinned him to the ground, I would have kissed him.

"Uhm, I'll get off you now," I peeled myself off his body and stood up. I reached out a hand,"I don't want to get a name for trying to take advantage of you especially when you still only have one arm."

I pulled Bucky up. He held my hand much longer than he needed to. He leaned in still squeezing my hand: "I don't think anyone would think you're taking advantage."

I coughed slightly. I looked up to see Steve walking in. "Oh, Steve!" I removed my hand from Bucky's quickly, and walked towards him."I'm sorry, I kind of destroyed your punching bag..." I gestured to the crumpled corpse of the bag.

Steve looked bemused but shrugged. "What can you do? I'll get another one." He examined the chain, "I didn't think anyone but me and Bucky had that in them."

"What can I say? Sometimes you just got to let loose," as I said the words I knew exactly how they sounded and heard a small chuckle from Bucky. I looked at Steve as innocently as possible. Funnily enough they seemed to go over Steve's head.

"I'll go get another bag," Steve looked at Bucky curiously before turning on his heels to go down the hall.

I turned around and playfully slapped Bucky's chest.

"I didn't mean it like that just so you know," I stuck out my tongue. He laughed.

"I didn't say anything," He ran his hand through his hair. "I just wanted to make sure you were still okay for dinner tonight? Steve said you weren't doing so great yesterday." He looked up at me through his lashes and I felt something stir inside me. His eyes were piercing.

"Yeah I'm still down for dinner," I started to unfurl the wraps around my hands. "What do you want to do?"

"Well I thought we could have dinner in the living room – now I know where that is," Bucky smiled as he moved closer – or was he always that close? I didn't remember. I trailed a finger down the outside of his arm. He was wearing a tight red long-sleeved top. I couldn't help but look at the muscles shifting underneath. "… I thought we could cook a meal together. Something simple… if that agrees with you?"

I leaned in teasingly and whispered near his ear: "That sounds good to me, Mr Barnes…"

I pulled back quickly. "I'll see you at 6." I turned and walked away. I could feel his gaze on me as I left the room.

I pulled the dress on and turned to admire myself. It was tight, but comfortable. I'd bought a t-shirt dress a while ago and it hugged me in all the best places. It was a dark grey and loose around the collar. I had curled my blonde hair and let it drift down my shoulders in easy waves. I stared at my lips as I applied a thin coat of foundation. I didn't wear makeup not because I felt I was some beauty without it because in general it was unnecessary. When you're covered in bruises or your own blood or dirt amongst other things, it's not your top priority to look pretty.

I slipped on a pair of comfy black high heeled boots. When I looked in the mirror, I suddenly thought that if I didn't know me, I would think I was just a regular girl. I picked up a cardigan and headed towards the living room.

Bucky was standing over the kitchen island, his shoulders were hunched as I approached.

"Hey," I said as I walked over to see what he was so focused on. He was staring at the screen that was sunk into the marble kitchen top. He looked at me after I spoke.

"Hey…" He smiled. He came forward to place a kiss on my cheek. I blushed – despite knowing his memories, I kept forgetting what a charmer Bucky could be. "I'm just trying to bring the recipe up…"

"What are we making today Bucky?" I brushed past him and leaned over the counter. I could feel his stare as I bent over. He came up behind me and skimmed my hip as he leant down to look at the screen.

"We were going to make lasagne, but I couldn't get the stupid thing to work. Steve showed me how to work it but it just won't work," He huffed. I giggled.

"I can show you again if you want?" I grinned. "I know it's _super_ difficult…" I fake pouted as I tried to mock him slightly. He laughed.

"I know you're making fun of me, but please just get the recipe up."

I giggled and started taking him through the process.

Soon we were attempting to put together probably the worst lasagne in history. The mess we had concocted in the dish was almost disturbing.

"Bucky, I should've told you I've never cooked before," I said as I pushed the culinary offense into the oven and swiftly closed the door. Bucky looked at me a bit amused.

"Really?"

"I've never lived somewhere where I was allowed to," I shrugged. "Then when I lived alone, I just bought a lot of prepared stuff."

"I'm sure the lasagne will be fine," Bucky put his hand on the small of my back as we both leaned down to stare at the lasagne through the glass door. "Don't worry when I get my arm back, I'll cook. You can just sit and watch…"

I laughed and put the timer on.

"Oh my god," I said as I pulled the burnt slab from the oven. Bucky started laughing – a proper uncontrolled laugh. "Let's order something from the kitchen…"

After we had disposed of the horror, we ordered some food from T'Challa's personal kitchen. The chefs were on call until 10pm and it wasn't even 8pm. When the food arrived, I kicked off my boots and curled up on the sofas with Bucky using a coffee table to rest his plate on.

We had ordered just a simple spaghetti bolognaise. I was slurping it up when Bucky asked me: "So what have you seen in my head? I just want to see how much I need to tell you."

The spaghetti caught in my throat and grabbed the wine glass from the table to get a big gulp.

"That bad, huh?" He chuckled sadly. I grimaced and put my plate down next to his so I could sit up.

"No, no, not at all. You just took me by surprise," I smiled as I rubbed his arm reassuringly. "I've mainly been focused on Hydra and your time with Steve…" I chuckled. "But I've seen some other stuff…" Bucky raised his eyebrows in response.

"Well I don't always have control over what I move through to get to certain memories," I blushed.

"Oh," Bucky said blushing as well. "How much of that did you…?"

"Well I've not seen _everything_ if that's what you're asking," I said trying to keep it light as I nudged him. He laughed shyly – he wasn't the guy I had seen in the memories but he was different now and he had been through a lot.

"That's good though," Bucky leaned into me. "As long as it's not all bad." He leaned in closer and squinted. "Hold on, you've got some sauce right here…" He moved his arm awkwardly to brush his thumb against my cheek.

"I don't know it's not exactly fair for you though," I smiled as he removed his hand. "I know a lot about you Bucky, but you don't know much about me. You can ask me stuff y'know?"

Bucky smiled. He had a question he had been itching to ask. I saw it on his face.

"Have you been with other people? I thought I should check because Steve's not really been with anyone and he's the same age as me and he said some things are different now and women... are different," Bucky looked away awkwardly.

"Uhm… yeah… uhmm…" I swallowed. The truth is I wasn't shy about putting myself out there - so to speak. "I've been with many men –"

"Oh – "Bucky interrupted.

"-and women." Bucky's eyes widened further. I smiled awkwardly, "and you have been away for a long time Bucky."

"That's surprising, wow…" Bucky looked down at his food. "I just didn't think…"

"What? Why? Did you think I was a… virgin?" I giggled as I picked up my plate again.

"Well no, just - how many is 'many' just for clarification?" Bucky asked as he finally looked back up at me.

"Nearly… let me count… 40… To be clear, I didn't have proper relationships with 40 people, just to clarify cause that would be ridiculous," I trailed off. I looked down at my plate now. For someone like Bucky, my sexual behaviour is very unusual. I kept thinking about what I'd seen from his memories and women were very different back then.

"Wow…," Bucky whispered.

"Well enough of my sex life! Before I curl up and die of embarrassment." I smiled and shovelled a fork full of spaghetti into my mouth. Bucky looked at me and was suddenly hit by the revelation that his reaction may not have been the best reaction.

"Uhm… I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you feel like this was something bad," Bucky said as he turned his full body towards me. "I've just never met a woman who's probably been with more women than me. That's something new to add to all the new things I've been learning over the last few years."

"Ok, good. Cause I was thinking you were freaked out and I wouldn't like to think you were put off," I said simply.

"It's just new to me, you're new to me," Bucky whispered as he moved in closer.

"Good, that's really good, good," I mumbled as he leaned in to place a soft kiss on my lips. He pulled back quite quickly but I followed him. I dropped my plate carelessly back on the table with a thud as I forcefully pushed my lips back onto his. He responded eagerly.


	7. Chapter 7 - Long talks and Meetings

I took a breath and pulled back so I could assess the damage. Bucky's eyes fluttered open and a grin spread across his face slowly.

"That – that was nice," Bucky smiled.

"Yeah, that was really nice," I smiled back. His hand caressed my arm. I felt a memory tingling at the edges of my mind and I shoved it back. I couldn't slip up; I'd realised that too young, I couldn't stop flexing that muscle.

"So what do you want to do now?" I asked suggestively as I traced the veins on the back of his hand. Bucky stammered slightly and stumbled over some vowels before I laughed. "Well I'm heading to bed, you can join me, or you can go to your own bed… I know you have your appointment to get your arm back tomorrow… I don't mind."

I offered but I knew he wouldn't take me up on it. I could see it on his face. Too much, too quickly. His eyebrows crinkled with sadness. I squeezed his hand and leaned in to give him a peck on the cheek. He briefly closed his eyes.

"Sorry Ava, I just can't. Please don't think it doesn't mean that I don't–"

I cut him off: "I know." I smiled and leaned to give him another kiss. Our lips brushed together, my lips tingled as he bravely ran his tongue along my bottom lip. I could feel myself shudder. It soon started to escalate and I found him pressing me back down into the sofa. My dress hitched up to accommodate him squeezing between my legs. I stilled my hips as they threatened to grind against him. Slow and steady – more importantly I had to go slow. I held his weight on one side with my arm to allow him to retain some space due to the imbalance caused by the lack of one limb. His kisses were eager yet reserved like he was scared to hurt me.

"Knock, knock." A voice said from the doorway. I sat up abruptly which pushed Bucky off me. I sighed as I realised it was Steve not T'Challa. I looked off the edge of the sofa to see Bucky on the floor. He was laughing. I threw a pillow at Steve and watched it slide off the supersoldier.

"Steve you scared the shit out of me," I said as I got up to help Bucky off the floor. Bucky found it pretty amusing. He was still laughing to himself until he made eye contact with me.

"Sorry Ava, I did actually knock first," Steve shrugged. "I just came to say that T'Challa wants to speak to you and I also had to make sure Bucky actually went to bed not stayed up all night with you." Steve playfully punched Bucky's arm. Bucky shifted uncomfortably at the suggestion. I on the other hand found it funny. Here was Steve thinking his buddy would be getting laid, and his buddy had turned down the offer.

I smirked as I sorted myself and made myself look presentable. I slipped my feet back into my high heeled boots.

"You look really nice Ava," Steve commented as he took in my outfit. "We'll walk you to T'Challa's office." He nudged Bucky and Bucky looked up at me through his hair. He was embarrassed.

"I should think so after interrupting our date," I grinned.

The walk to T'Challa was slow and almost painful. Steve wouldn't shut up about the latest mission and how Tony was being too stubborn about the whole accords thing. I sighed. Not only did I not give a crap about the accords, I cared very _very_ little about Tony Stark. I occasionally looked over at Bucky who was walking on the other side of Steve. He was always looking ahead.

When we reached a stop. Bucky looked at me straight in the eye. My core lit up slightly with the intensity of the stare.

"So… thanks for walking me," I smiled at both of them. "Bucky," I stepped closer to him. "Thanks for the dinner," I leaned in and slid a hand around the back of his neck. If Steve was going to spoil my night, I was sure going to make him uncomfortable. I pulled Bucky's head down to meet mine in an overly passionate kiss. I felt his arm wrap around me as he pulled me closer.

After a full minute, and several coughs from Steve, I pulled back.

"Bucky, thanks," I said before turning to walk in the door to T'Challa's office.

I looked over my shoulder to see Steve staring at Bucky shocked. Bucky just shrugged – he was grinning though.

The meeting with T'Challa was boring. T'Challa was a stickler for rules and lists. He had ran through recent events on the mission I'd accompanied and what I'd learned from Bucky's memories.

"I think it's developing well," T'Challa stated and typed onto the screen in front of us.

"Yes, it's been easier than I thought. I am being careful though because I can't imagine absorbing the triggers with no side effects," I said. "I've only removed one so far and look what I did to those guys."

"Yes, we can't have this getting out of control so you will now have to attend weekly excursions and relevant missions," T'Challa nodded. "I have heard of other developments which I hope will not interfere." He turned to face me. "I understand why but I don't want this to affect the removal of triggers – that's not why I brought you here."

"I understand," I whispered.

"However, Ava I am not telling you to stop. I know that doesn't work and to be frank, I would rather you were both occupied," T'Challa smiled. "Also I want to see you happy and he might do that for you. I know you have both been through similar experiences… Anyway what happens if you reach your limit? What is our plan for that eventuality?"

I sighed. I knew T'Challa wanted to discuss every possible outcome. As I said, he was stickler.

"I would either need a controlled burst, like that mission, or you would have to subdue me," I said simply. T'Challa took my hand. "T'Challa you have to protect yourself and everyone here. Whatever it takes."

I smiled at him. He smiled back sadly.

"I will make sure it doesn't come to that, Sanctuary. I will protect you. You are an asset I can't afford to lose," He said. "I will make sure of your safety." When T'Challa said that I believed him. I could trust him as headstrong as he is (trying to kill Bucky wasn't a high point), he was loyal and dependable. T'Challa was authentic.

I finished the meeting with T'Challa late. Around 12pm. T'Challa had a lot of things to cover, particularly trigger and memories related. I walked back to my room with my boots in hand and paused as I walked past the living room. Someone was watching TV loudly. I leaned in to see dark hair peaking over the top of the sofa. Bucky.

"Knock, knock." I said in a mock-Steve voice. Bucky turned sleepily to look at me.

"I thought you were getting an earlier night on Cap's orders like a good soldier," I joked as I flopped down next to him.

"I can't sleep," Bucky said as he stared at the TV. "Television numbs my brain."

"It would be less damaging for me to just knock you out," I chuckled as I leaned into his side and snuggled down a bit. "I'm exhausted."

"What did you and T'Challa talk about?" Bucky relaxed slightly.

"You – among other things."

"Really? What in particular?" Bucky asked.

"Well just your triggers and the consequence of that," I said as I closed my eyes.

"Oh," Bucky tensed again.

"Stop it. It's not your fault. It's just this thing I have, it has consequences anyways. To remove the trigger it fills me up with a lot of energy that I could unwillingly blast out," I said. "What those guys did to me makes me a weapon if I don't control it."

"We have that in common," Bucky chuckled.

"Well not really, you have to just not hit people in the face and I have to make sure I don't screw everyone up in a mile radius. If I hold my thing in, I don't just get sick. I erase people's memories and I erase the people inside. I leave people human vegetables." I stated as calmly as possible.

"You never told me how you got your gift? I assume it's not a mutation," Bucky asked as the TV cast a blue glow over his tanned skin.

"Well it is and it isn't. Before Hydra got their hold on me, I was telepathic. I could just see memories, I couldn't alter them or remove them. I would see flashes of images. I was essentially a very talented 6 year old psychic," I paused remembering my grandmother making me sit in front of tarot cards at her stall in a dingy market. "They found me and took me from my grandmother. My parents both died when I was young. I was never told how they died but I could tell it was a car accident. Hydra put me through tests for years and years. I was their lab rat. They alter my brain and injected me with shit that I couldn't even tell you. I started to develop the gift I have now when I had been there 3 years. It got stronger and stronger. They piled me full of drugs and supplements. When I was 10, I was made to fight for the first time. Up until that point, I had been ejecting my energy on small animals which already felt cruel. Then I was forced to use it on another person like me. They hadn't developed like me. They could suck energy out – as much as they needed but they couldn't remove it. I was ordered to destroy them. I focused so much energy on them. I can still remember crying when I watched my power crush their brain… so yeah it is and it isn't."

Bucky sat next to me silently. "I guess we both have reason to hate Hydra."

"Yeah, we both do." I whispered.

"I'm sorry Ava…How did you get out?" Bucky whispered. He cuddled into me and his arm was rubbing mine.

"I killed everyone," I said. "I killed the whole base I was in. They pushed my power too far and filled me with too much. I was vomiting daily. They were filling me up with so much and obviously it was for an attack but I didn't make it out of the compound they were keeping me in. I just blew up and everyone just crumpled."

"Shit," Bucky whispered.

"Yeah, I was 18 when I got out," I said. "But let's not talk about this anymore. I can't deal with your puppy dog eyes while you feel bad for me."

"That's fine with me," Bucky said. "I do not have puppy dog eyes."

"Yeah, whatever." I cuddled in and felt sleep take me.


	8. Chapter 8 - Moans and Metal

The night had ended and when I woke up the next day, I felt a keen sense of disappointment when I found myself alone in the living room. Then I glanced at clock display on the tv which had timed off during my sleep. It was 11am.

"Fuck," I hissed as I scrambled up to race back to my room to get changed. While Bucky had to go get his new arm, I had a physical to attend. T'Challa had insisted on regular physicals with a doctor as part of the contract we had drafted up when I took on the role. He'd even had Black Widow sit in to make sure someone trustworthy was a witness.

I tugged at the gym clothes I had fired on in haste with the hopes of being more comfortable. I had realised half way to the infirmary I had put my leggings on back to front. The label itched my abdomen awkwardly. I didn't own many gym clothes but I had preference for all things black and dark grey. I pulled my hair up into a loose bun as I walked.

I took a deep breath in and opened the door to the doctor's office.

The week passed slowly after the physical, which had been completely fine. T'Challa had crammed the latest technology in the complex but it sure was boring. Even with Scott, aka Antman, trying to be a clown and winding up Maximoff at every turn.

Steve's Allies had returned to the complex over the weekend, but I had made up my mind to try to avoid them best I could especially Clint. I'd had a run-in with Clint before and it wasn't so much awkward for me but it was apparently very awkward for him with Black Widow around.

Bucky had also been hiding somewhere. While the complex was big, there was only so many places you could spend down-time. Steve had taken his team out on a mission and as far as I was aware, Bucky had been by his best friend's side.

When Tuesday finally arrived, I was excited to throw myself back into my work even if that work involved seeing Bucky again for another awkward encounter.

I bounced my pen off the clipboard as I sat waiting anxiously for Bucky to turn up for his appointment. The tapping was comforting. I kept looking from the screen over the desk to the white door. Bucky was running late but thanks to an email from T'Challa, I knew he had been training all weekend and was no doubt exhausted. He had more training before my appointment so I didn't expect him to be on time.

I was also anticipating the awkward first exchange post-date. He hadn't even left me a note or a message or anything. Whenever I saw Steve over the weekend, he quickly excused himself while blushing.

The door handle shifted and I sat to attention. The door opened to reveal a silver armed Bucky wearing loose jogging bottoms and a vest top. His hair was tied back and was sodden wet. He was wearing a skipcap. He had obviously showered judging by the sheen over his new arm. I forced myself to look down at the clipboard with some degree of professionalism.

"Hey," Bucky said. "Sorry for being late, Steve's had me training 24/7-"

"No. It's totally fine. T'Challa filled me in." I cut him off abruptly. I was being curt. He looked surprised. "Let's get into it, shall we?" I stood up and gestured for him to sit down.

"Can we chat first?" He asked. I plopped myself back down into my seat and prepared myself for any possible versions of the "let's talk" conversation.

I tried to look semi-less-annoyed. "Yeah, what did you want to chat about?"

Bucky took a few steps towards me before sitting down in his chair. He fingered the straps as he spoke: "About last week, when we had dinner." He looked up at me and my heart started to beat a bit faster as his eyes stared into mine. I tore my gaze away.

"Okay, Barnes… Well what exactly do you want to talk about in regards to dinner?" I looked down at the clipboard and pretended to amend something on the chart.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for not leaving you a note but I couldn't work the screen and Steve was rushing me out. I really enjoyed it," Bucky chuckled at himself. "I wanted to tell you before now." He smiled at me as he rubbed his new arm.

"Oh, good." I smiled, embarrassed by my grumpy behavior. "I liked it too."

"Would you like to have dinner again? And this time I'll cook?" He paused. "I thought we could also do some sparring again before then?" He smirked mischievously. "I liked winning."

"That's only because Steve doesn't let you," I laughed. "Yes to both. I'm free anytime for sparring. For dinner, I can do tonight? The complex is incredibly boring."

"Suits me," Bucky smiled as he removed his skipcap. He untied his hair and let it fall around his face.

"Right, awesome," I grinned and got up. "Shall we do this then? Can't keep putting it off with all this dating talk."

I positioned myself behind him as he relaxed back in the chair. Then suddenly remembered the restraints. I grimaced slightly as I came back around the chair to tie the restraints around his wrists. I tightened his real arm slowly and looked up to check it was tight enough. He looked back at me and I could see some fear in his eyes.

Shit, I thought as moved over to the other one and ran my hand around the smooth metal wrist. I tightened the next restraint quickly and with more force. Then I reached around him, I could feel his breath on my neck. I shivered as I pulled the straps around and tied them. As I pulled back, I gave him one last smile.

I got the feeling the rest of the session would not be that great.

Taking my position and sitting comfortably, I placed my fingers on his forehead.

 _"Hey,"_

 _Bucky ripped the man back._

 _"Pick on someone your own size," He said as he turned to face the man. His uniform was well-starched and accentuated his face. It made him look smaller but then I remembered he must have been slightly smaller before Hydra. The man looked angry and stepped forward to unsuccessful punch Bucky._

 _Self-assured, Bucky punched him back and landed a solid blow to the man's face. He kicked him as well for good measure._

 _"Sometimes I think you like getting punched," He joked as he walked towards the small Steve Rodgers. His weak frame hunched over in pain._

 _"I had him on the ropes," Steve said before groaning at the pain in his eye._

 _"How many times is this? Oh, you're from Paramus now, you know it's illegal to lie on the enlistment form," Bucky scolded as he looked at the falsified papers. "Seriously, Jersey…"_

 _"You get your orders?" Steve asked._

 _"1-O-seventh, sergeant James Barnes, shipping out for England first thing tomorrow," Bucky stated monotonously. I watched from the sidelines. This wasn't the memory I was looking for but I couldn't help but admire the nostalgia of it. I'd only seen pictures of Bucky with short hair and the way it was slicked back was so polished for the Bucky I knew._

 _I stepped out of the memory. I followed one of the tendrils along to another memory. This one less nice._

 _Bucky was strapped down in the containment cell. Zemo came closer to the cell and angrily stated the trigger words. Bucky screamed in rage from behind the glass and I watched with as much distance as possible. I looked at Zemo and froze the memory. Bucky was mid-scream and I turned to examine the outside of the book he was holding. It had the star on the outside._

 _Closer but still not near to the beginning. I needed to find some of the roots. I would uproot this tree._

 _I stepped through the door and was suddenly confused. The room around me was in the complex. It was a bedroom and it was incredibly dark. The bathroom door was ajar and I heard breathing. More accurately, I heard Bucky breathing. I looked towards the door and stole a glance. I instantly froze as I heard his breathing become more labored. Nope. I was so out. This was very wrong. I averted my gaze and turned away._

 _I ripped out of the memory and jumped into another one._

 _They pulled him from the chamber. He'd been in cryo again. They pushed him into the same machine I'd seen before and I watched him scream. It was continuous. It rung in my ears. Suddenly, the machine pulled back._

 _The man in the hydra uniform read the trigger words, that I had studied, aloud. Bucky sat up._

 _"Ready to comply," Bucky said in Russian._

 _I flipped forward._

 _Bucky launched the disc-bomb towards Fury's car. I'd seen this scene from cctv footage but it was different to watch Bucky up close. His mask covered his whole face except his forehead. He looked alien._

 _A memory ripped through me and I cried out._

 _I stood behind Bucky as he raised the gun and took aim at Steve. He took a shot and Steve crumpled against the console. I watched Bucky's face. He was fighting it. I could see it. The triggers weren't that strong when confronted with emotion. Sure, he had still shot him. I flicked my hand and re-winded. I studied his face as he pulled the trigger of the gun, again. He looked serious and he looked the part but when I looked into his eyes I saw Bucky. Not the Winter Soldier._

 _I re-wound one more time. The shot rung out and Steve crumpled. I fingered the strand linked to the trigger and tugged. The memory wavered around me. I pulled it hard. The trigger shattered._

"Stop," _I heard the whisper from outside._

I opened my eyes.

I looked at Bucky and he had been crying. His eyes were red and bloodshot.

"Sorry," I whispered. I looked at the screen. We had been at it for nearly 2 hours. "Shit, I didn't think I'd been under that long." I quickly got up to remove the restraints. I undid the restraints and rubbed my face. My brain was groaning again. I sighed. I would have to go out on a mission again – sooner than I thought.

Bucky sat up slowly. He shuddered as he leant forward. He put his head in his hands and collected himself. My job was to remove the triggers but I didn't really know how that felt. It must be like someone sewing a gaping wound back together with no anesthesia and extremely slowly. Each removal being one stitch.

He took large gulps of air. I reached a hand out tentatively: "Bucky?"

He grabbed my hand and at first, I thought I was meeting the Winter Soldier for the first time. In a blur, I found myself pinned against the chair he had just sat in. His hand was around my neck and I struggled to breathe. I stared into his blue eyes panicked. I thought for a second about stunning him but his eyes dilated and Bucky was back. His hand was removed from my neck.

"I didn't mean to do that," Bucky looked ashamed.

I reached a hand up to his face.

"It's fine," I whispered. He relaxed and gave me a hand up from the chair. He kept hold of one and he looked back into my eyes.

His eyebrows jumped up as he remembered something and grabbed hold of my face and pushed me back against the unit with a feverish kiss. I responded eagerly as he picked me to place me on the counter.

He pushed himself between my legs and I came up for air. His mouth moved to my neck and his hands travelled under my t-shirt. His cold hand skimmed my side. I gasped. His mouth captured mine again and I felt his tongue slip into my mouth. He traced the inside of my lip with it which sent tingles through my mouth.

My legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer. His kisses were rough. I ran my hands down his chest and pulled at the hem of the vest top he was wearing. My hands weren't quick enough before he leaned back to pull it over his head. I ran my hands over his chest as he gave me a quick kiss before he pulled my t-shirt off and threw it to join his on the floor. I'd stopped wearing bras for a while and I replaced the blasted things with bralettes.

He fingered the edge of it as he pulled me in for a fever of kisses. He toyed with it as his kisses left me breathless. I pushed him back roughly and removed it hastily. He licked his lips as he stared at my breasts. He surged forward and kissed me. His hand soon found its target. He brushed a thumb over my nipple. He moaned into my mouth as his metal arm grabbed my hips and dragged them forward to meet his.

There was a knock at the door and we broke apart. I looked at Bucky who shrugged. I pushed the laughing Bucky aside to grab my t-shirt and shoved my arms into it as the door opened to reveal the perfectly timed Captain America. Steve's jaw dropped open and he quickly turned to protect my modesty. I slipped my t-shirt back on as Bucky picked up my bralette from the floor.

"Bucky – We've got more training…" Steve said. He shuffled awkwardly with his back still turned.

"You can calm down Rodgers, I'm fully clothed," I chuckled as I grabbed my bralette from Bucky's hand. He leant in to quickly give me a kiss before Steve turned around.

"So… you guys… are… going steady?" Steve asked. Before Bucky or I could answer, T'Challa and Scott Lang were standing on either side of him.

"Going steady? What are you like 80 or something?" Scott joked.

"Whatever this is, Sanctuary we need you for a mission…" T'Challa said solemnly.


	9. Chapter 9 - Beaten and Bloody

I sat on the carrier with my old mask in my hands. T'Challa had handed me it as we left. Bucky and Steve sat opposite me while I was stuck with Lang. In his Antman gear, his jokes were equally as bad.

"Blondey, what's with the mask?" He nudged me slightly.

"Well Antman, I used to be a superhero like you," I grinned as I turned to face him. "But I was just _too bad_ at it." I waved the mask. It just covered my eyes. It was white with black eyes. I put it on slowly and looked up at Bucky who watched me carefully. He looked like he was admiring it.

"Well you couldn't have been that bad –" Lang started.

"She doesn't mean it like that, Bug boy," Clint chirped from the back of the plane. I smiled devilishly.

"What? What do you mean?" Antman looked confused. I laughed.

"Scott do you know what I do?" I leaned in.

"He'll see soon enough," T'Challa stated as he stood up.

We landed with a slight bump.

We were split up into groups as soon as we hit the ground. I was stuck with Bucky and Steve. I felt the energy writhe under my skin. Bucky and Steve scouted ahead. I walked behind them gingerly. My mind wandered to see how far it would be until we encountered any enemies. This time we were investigating some terrorist.

I hadn't listened to the de-brief. I wasn't that interested especially when T'Challa had spoken to me before we had even boarded the plane. I was there for a very specific purpose that would make this mission a bit difficult for me. I had to save my energy for the target.

We turned the corner and the two of them surged forward to tackle two men. They were carrying assault rifles, I noted to myself as Bucky disarmed one of them. The fighting was swift and the men were lying on the ground unconscious. Bucky looked back at me and I pretended not to be bored. I was jittery inside. I could feel the energy swirling and tearing my insides up. I suppressed the urge to jag.

Moving forward, I felt a presence behind one of the doors to my left. I shoved the door open.

"Ava, what are you doing!" Bucky shouted.

I ripped through the door and elbowed the nervous man on the nose. I swung my leg up and kicked him square in the balls. He crumpled. I heard a whistle from behind me. Bucky looked surprised. A man came through another door, i grabbed Bucky's rifle and butted the attacker with it – hard. He crumpled as well and I handed the gun back to Bucky who smirked.

3 more men piled into the room and we went to work.

Blows ricocheted around the room. I swung around Bucky as I grabbed hold of his shoulder and landed both of my feet into attacker's face. Bucky grabbed my waist when I landed and brought me in close – so close that I could feel his breath on the back of my head. Steve coughed slightly.

"We have located the target. Bring Sanctuary to us." T'Challa said through the earpiece. I nodded as Steve confirmed we were on our way.

The man was tied down. He was tanned and roughly shaven. His clothes were ripped in places. His stab vest had been removed.

"Clear the room," T'Challa stated. The energy surged through my veins and couldn't help but feel excited. I smiled as I removed my mask and dropped it next to me. The room began to clear. I looked at the door and realised there was a small window in the door. "Mr Barnes and Rogers. You can stay put."

T'Challa was taking precautions. They needed someone to restrain me if I absorbed too much. I would fight anyone in this team find a worthy target to let loose on. I leaned in and dragged a careless finger down the man's forehead. He swore in his language; I could tell from his expressions.

T'Challa responded forcefully and proceeded to explain the situation. The man shouted back and started laughing. He was looking at me with disgust. He didn't think I could do anything. I smirked.

"Can I begin?" I looked back at T'Challa. He nodded. Bucky and Steve stood by the door. I looked away from Bucky's intense gaze. "You guys might want to cover your ears," I said as I straddled the poor man in front of me. My hands slipped around his forehead. He flinched. He started spouting swear words and angry insults. I chuckled.

 _My hands wrapped around his neck and squeezed. I was in. He struggled and coughed. My eyes darkened and I stepped back. I pulled a dagger from behind my back. He stared at me with fear. I smiled. I brought the dagger down into his thigh. He screamed as I dragged it down his thigh._

 _"I'm here for information but first I'm going to enjoy this," I laughed. "You can scream but no one can see this except you…"_

 _I pushed his lifeless head and watched it roll on its axis. I smiled._

I opened my eyes, "Got it." I stepped off the now comatose man. The energy was surging. I was on a high. I started giggling. I turned to face my team. I looked at Bucky straight on. I knew how I looked in that moment. I'd seen it in memories before. My eyes were surrounded blackening veins and my eyes had whited out. It would gradually diffuse but I picked up my mask and placed it back on. Bucky had put on a defensive posture and I could tell he was worried.

"He'll live," I said as I watched T'Challa checked the man's pulse. I twitched – a reminder I needed to let the energy out. "Is there anyone left?" I should have added that wasn't essential. What I needed to do was brutal and there would be no one left inside that head.

"Yes, I'll get Hawkeye to take you to him," He gestured to the door. I pushed past Bucky and Steve who started to crowd in to speak to me. Bucky reached out a hand and I recoiled before I walked through the door.

I needed it now. The release was itching at me.

I jogged to keep up with Clint.

"Ava, I've seen what you can do and this guy deserves it," Clint whispered. I didn't ask any questions. I would know soon enough. He kept her eyes ahead. He opened the door for me and quickly closed it. I heard the latch. There was a camera in the corner which I know that the team would be watching me from - well at the very least that bug, Scott.

I removed my mask and looked straight at the camera.

The man was tied to a chair just like before. I licked my lips as I removed the restraints.

I leaned into his ear, "Fight."

He grabbed me by the neck and threw me forward. I winced but pushed myself up and threw a punch laced with energy. It hit him straight in the neck and the energy shot through him.

He staggered back.

I smiled and waited for him to try to land a punch.

He regained himself and put his hands up in defence before he lunged forward.

He pinned me against the wall.

He punched me straight in the face. The pain stung but as I felt the blood in my mouth, I laughed. I used my legs to straddle him and I punched him back harder. He dropped, with me still attached at the waist.

"Ready?" I whispered as I leaned in close to his neck.

I grabbed his head between my hands. I let it all out. The hurt, the pain, the memories that had been dragging me down for the last week. It was like sex almost. The build-up then the release. Yet it was cruel. I watched the man in front of me scream in agony. His face contorted in confusion as he felt his brain become overloaded and struggled to heal itself from the attack. I felt his neurons misfire, he struggled and began to fit. I fell off him to the side as I took a couple of deep breaths.

When I opened my eyes and looked over his face was blank. I had killed him. The shock of it had probably done it. I lay next to him and stare up at the decaying roof. "Shit."

The door unlatched and Clint stood in the frame. "You okay?"

"I'm good well as good as I get," I smiled. He reached a hand down and I grabbed it. Pulled up to standing, He pulled me in for a hug. I stuttered. That was very unlike Clint. "W-w-what are you doing?"

"I've heard it helps," Clint said. He let go.

"I just killed a man – I didn't lose a puppy," I chuckled. I gave him a gentle push. "It's not like it's my first time."

When we walked back onto the carrier, I felt a dozen eyes on me. I looked up and found Antman blatantly staring at me.

"C'mon Scott, quit staring," I said angrily. I sat down at the end of the bench as far away from everyone as possible.

"I can't help it that – that was some scary shit," Scott replied gingerly. I couldn't help but laugh.

"That's one way to put it," Clint said softly. He was hidden at the top of the carrier behind some netting.

I chuckled and looked down at my mask.

"Give her some peace," T'Challa ordered.

I hunched over and felt the emptiness seep back into my mind. I sighed. I heard some shuffling and chatting soon resumed without me. I tried to crush my mask in my hands.

I felt someone sit down next to me. I looked up to see Clint. Bucky and Steve were deep in conversation at the other end of the plane. I felt slightly disappointed he wasn't rushing to my side and giving me some attention. Recalling his memories, I knew that even the charismatic Bucky from the 40s probably didn't have a playbook for how to handle a scary memory assassin.

"I think that went as well as it could have," I chuckled as Clint wrapped an arm around me. I could feel someone's eyes on us. I looked over to find Bucky pretending not to be looking as he _pretended_ to listen to Lang who had commandeered their conversation.

Clint squeezed me slightly, "I think it's a lot for people to take it in… if you think about it you could kill everyone on this plane… if you took the fancy to…"

"Thanks for reminding me," I groaned. "But you could say that about anyone on this plane…" I gestured around. "Of course, with the exception of Antman or Cap…" I leaned into Clint's comforting embrace. Suddenly a thought popped into my head: "How's the missus by the way?"

"Oh she's good. After this mission, I'm going back to see her for a bit," Clint smiled.

"She's super cute," I whispered. I winked at him, "If you didn't have 3 kids, I would try to steal her from you." He started laughing.

"I think you're pretty preoccupied…" He nodded his head towards the broody man staring at us. "He seems like a perfect fit if you ask me… both mentally screwed up…" I laughed. I pushed his arm off of me. Bucky's eyes watched me carefully.

"Well let's see what today brings," I said in a hushed tone and turned my face to look at Clint. "As bug boy, that was scary… I'm pretty out there for a guy who's been frozen on and off since the 40s…"

"I don't think he's as wary of you as you think, from what Steve has said he seems pretty keen," Clint replied. "If we're probably guessing who has the most guilt about Hydra, you're both on equal levels of shame and guilt."

"Thanks Clint," I said as Clint got up to go speak to T'Challa. I looked up to see Bucky still watching me. I smiled and got a small smile in return. I was getting ready to settle down for a nap when Bucky sat down next to me.

"How you feeling?" Bucky asked. He reached out his warm gloved hand to take mine. I smiled and squeezed his hand.

"I'm good. How are you doing?" I asked. "Still want dinner?" Or have I destroyed his appetite? I thought to myself.

"I'm good." He said. "I think dinner is well-deserved, don't you?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty hungry," I smiled as I squeezed his hand again.

"Yum that's looks tasty," Scott leaned over my shoulder as I sighed. The intrusion was not unexpected but nonetheless irritating. The lasagne that Bucky had successfully made was steaming in my plate.

"Bug, do you not think we should be leaving them alone?" Clint chimed in as he grabbed Scott by the shoulder. Steve appeared in the doorway. He sniffed.

"What's cooking?" Steve ventured further into the room but soon met Bucky's angry gaze. Bucky made a 'c'mon' look. "Right. Guys we should be leaving them to it. Let's ship out…" Steve managed to wrestle the herd back out into the hall. The door slid shut leaving Bucky and I in silence.

"Soo… what do you want to do now that we have the place to ourselves?" I asked before taking a mouthful of lasagne. Bucky smirked into his plate before placing it down. He reached over and took the plate from my hands. He placed it down slowly before leaning into me. He pushed me back onto the couch.

"I have a few ideas," Bucky smirked before drawing me in for a kiss.

 _NOTE: Small note to everyone reading! Thanks so much for following and favoriting!_


	10. Chapter 10 - It's getting dark

When I woke up, I felt the nausea crawl across my skin like burning ants. I scrambled from the bed and raced into the ensuite bathroom. The thoughts surged around my brain as the vomit escaped me. The dreams had restarted since my work with Bucky. The pain was etched into my memories and it was never something I could remove. This time it had been different. After the tiring exercise of the previous day, I felt the pain anew.

I rested my forehead on the toilet as sweat soaked through my tank top.

"You okay?" Bucky's hand came to her back and he sat down next to her.

"I'm okay," I coughed but tears stung my eyes as the pain still rippled across my nervous system. "I will be okay." I repeated with a fake confidence. Bucky didn't seem to buy it and just rubbed my back in silence.

"This isn't about the mission yesterday, is it?" Bucky whispered. His hand stilled on the base of my back.

I let out a staggered breath and sighed.

"Sometimes I forget what I am," I whispered. "Then it comes back to you all at once. When I was in that room, it snapped back into place like a loose fuse. It came back all at once." A breath struggled through me. "It's a constant. I won't get past it. It's like I keep closing the door as if suddenly there won't be something on the other side… James… when I do that I'm gone..."

Bucky said nothing, but he moved to wrap his arms around my waist and to put his legs on either side of me. His frame engulfed mine and we sat there in a comfortable silence.

Then a thought crossed my mind. I laughed as my forehead still rested against the toilet pan.

"What?" Bucky grumbled against my back.

"This is romantic and all but you're hugging me against a toilet!" I laughed and felt Bucky start laughing too.

…

I had agreed to spar with Clint a week later despite still feeling ill. The itching in my skull had caused me to avoid Bucky. Clint was a comfort and I couldn't bare to be a burden. My power came at a price and he was already hurt enough.

The sparring was going well.

I fell into a rhythm. Punch, block. Punch, kick, block. It repeated like a code.

I sighed but focused and tried to appreciate what Clint was doing with me.

"My turn," A voice came from behind me. I turned to see Natasha Romanoff. I smiled and signalled or her to take Clint's place.

"That's fine with me," Clint raised his hands and backed away. "Always good to see two ladies fighting."

I started to fight but Natasha was taking it seriously. She landed a punch on my waist and I groaned.

I fell back and paced trying to walk off the pain. She gave me space.

"You're out of shape Ava," Natasha smirked. She pounced forward, and I blocked her attack. I rolled away again and nearly landed a kick but failed. She came forward again and wrapped herself around my body. Her arm went around my neck.

His arm was around my neck as he pulled me to the ground.

"Natasha," I whispered hoarsely as I tapped at her arm.

"What? You tapping out?" Natasha let me go and I stood. I shook my head, but my vision was cloudy. I tried to shake it off and turned to ungracefully attack Natasha. I missed and stumbled. She caught my legs and I hit the ground with a loud thud. I groaned.

Pain echoed through my body and the needles went deeper. I screamed- I screamed.

"Ava!" Clint and Natasha were leaning over me.

I felt a surge of energy through my skin.

"Again!" A voice commanded. I held out my hand and the energy surged towards the weeping man.

Vomit rose up my throat but the buzzing in my skin was overwhelming me. I pushed past them both and tried to create as much distance as possible.

"You need to leave," I whispered hoarsely as the energy clawed at my skull. My hands were rippling in my vision.

"Ava! What's going on?" Clint reached out to me but remained defensive.

"I can't control it," I whispered and looked up at them both with white eyes. The energy started to burn my skin. I groaned and fell to my knees. "Go." I forced the words out of my mouth.

"Ava-" Clint moved forward.

"Get back!" I screamed. The energy rippled off me and I could feel the air buzzing.

"Ava," The voice whispered in my ear. "Time to let go."

Clint and Natasha scrambled back. The air around me was rippling and twitching.

"Get out," I whispered and looked up at them pleadingly. I collapsed fully when they had gotten behind the glass door. The energy pulsed from my fingertips. I screamed as it tore at my insides. The energy shot out in waves.

"Ava," The voice whispered again. "You can't hold it in, my dear. It will get out." I screamed as the man who did this to me came into view. He was standing behind the window into the room. Across from me was another girl my age. She was crying. She sniffled and clutched her jumpsuit.

She was scared. She was scared of me.

I screamed and felt the energy explode around the room. It tore through the ground and cracked the glassdoor.

I looked up to see Bucky stood next to Natasha.

My vision blurred as I fell backwards. I could see the faint outlines of people running towards me before I passed out.

….

"What's wrong with me?" I sat on the examination table. "I'm getting worse."

T'Challa leaned against the desk as a doctor walked around me, holding a chart.

"Can you describe any other symptoms?" The doctor paused and looked at his notes on the tablet.

I held myself and looked out the window. "I'm having nightmares constantly."

T'Challa folded his arms and sighed. I tried to squint so I didn't see his reflection on the window.

"Are they your own nightmares?" T'Challa asked.

"They're not Bucky's," I stated and looked down at my hands.

"Ava," T'Challa started. "I am worried about you."

"It's not Bucky," I repeated and turned to glare at him. "It's… got to be what they did to me. You need to fix me… I need to be fixed."

"How do I do that?" T'Challa raised his voice. "What do you want me to do, Ava?"

He threw his hands wide and continued, "I can't fix you and you know we can't cure you. What do you want me to do?"

"T'Challa, you know what I'm asking," I sighed and rubbed my temple.

T'Challa recoiled. "I will not."

"I need you to," I whispered.

"I can't do that," He folded his arms and a sadness fell over his face.

"I can't keep doing this," I tried to keep the tears from falling. "But I know you need to break me… I need to be broken to get better. You need to do what they did. I know you have the stuff to do it. I need you to break me."

"I can't believe you're asking for this," He sighed. "We agreed we would never do this."

"I can't keep doing this," I snapped. "I need you to fix me, and I know this is the only way… I never completed the experiments they had planned. I need to finish what they started. I'm a danger to everyone around me if we don't try to stop it. Do I need to kill Natasha, or Clint for you to see that?!"

T'Challa looked at me with a sadness I had come to recognise.

"I will not," T'Challa whispered. "I will not do that to you."

"Fine," I closed my eyes and I let part of me close. "But there will come a time when you need to do that to me."

He just nodded.

I left before he said anything more.


	11. Chapter 11 - Emojis and Honesty

I managed to contain the hurricane for the next few weeks. I stuffed parts of myself away and T'Challa had decided I wasn't to treat anyone else including Bucky. I continued my daily life as best as possible.

The night was alive as the city moved and partied the night away. Bucky strode beside me with Steve smiling at all the partying Wakandans.

"This place sure knows how to let loose," Bucky smirked as he took my hand. I had started wearing gloves and itched to feel his skin on mine. I smiled and looked around at the bustling city. The people here were so full of passion.

I perked up when I saw my reflection on a passing window. I looked younger and I seemed to have a glow about me. It was the first time in a while, I didn't see her.

Steve pointed out a bar that he had heard good reviews about from one of T'Challa's guards. Bucky had teased him mercilessly for not asking the woman on a date.

I let Bucky and Steve go get us drinks as I found a seat outside the bar. The bar had expanded out onto the pavement; it had covered the space in benches, chairs and tables. It was crowded but I managed to nab a couple of seats tucked away. I pulled at my gloves and found several eyes on me. Leaning my elbow onto the table, I covered my mouth with my hand and looked out at the street.

"Hey, one beer for the lady," I turned to see a grinning Bucky who was back in his element. I had seen these memories of his dates. I could still access them from time to time. I tried not to blush when he winked at me.

"Thank you," I smiled and took the cold bottle of beer from his hand. He took his seat next to me and snuck an arm around my shoulder.

His skin met mine. I shifted so his forearm no longer connected with the top of my bicep. He gave me a look but before he could ask, Steve started going on about a recent movie marathon he had been encouraged to go on by Antman. He had expanded his knowledge of movie genres and had become a great fan of Indiana Jones.

"I knew you would love that film," I chuckled as he professed his undying love for the franchise. "Right up your street."

"C'mon it's got everything you could ask for," Steve babbled. "Adventure, humour, excitement, love interests."

"You're starting to sound like a girl," Bucky teased, and his arm tightened around me. His skin came back into contact with mine and I shifted again as I took a drink of my beer. I caught his look and just smiled as if nothing was the matter.

"You're just complaining because he didn't watch it with you," I joked, and Bucky's eyebrows crinkled in confusion before he tried to keep smiling.

"I just don't think watching romantic films is a good use of my, or Steve's, time," Bucky said lightly before he took a drink.

"You're just saying that because you've not watched it," Steve grinned. "It's got everything. You need to watch it."

"I think I'll pass," Bucky smirked and moved closer to me again. I leaned out of his touch to rest my arms on the table.

"Don't listen to him Steve," I said. "It's a fantastic series. I keep hoping they'll make another one."

Steve started to gush about the possibility of another film. I listened half-heartedly and started to phase out when the conversation started to move into more typical areas of new technology and new customs.

"I don't understand why everyone sends the eggplant emoji?" Steve seemed bewildered by the texting customs of the 21st century.

"What are you talking about?" I asked as I finally came back into the conversation.

"Steve … texted?" Bucky looked at Steve for confirmation who gave a brief nod. "He texted Lang and they had been talking about Tony and…" He glanced at me and struggled to explain this.

"… he texted me back 'hes a' then an eggplant," Steve finished for him. I laughed and then realised they were being serious.

"Lang was saying Tony's a dick," I clarified.

A dawn of realisation crossed Steve's face and he chuckled. Bucky looked at me with a look of wonder.

"An eggplant is a dick," I took another drink and felt full of courage. "A peach is a butt. A cat sometimes means pussy."

Bucky was taking a drink and nearly choked, "What?" He turned his body towards me and looked at me with shock.

"Or sometimes, people send flowers or a honeypot to represent a vagina," I chuckled and tried to stay calm. I would be lying if I said I was uncomfortable explaining sexting emojis to 1940s gentlemen who had woken up in a new time. Bucky exchanged a look with Steve.

"Why would people need to use those emojis?" Steve asked curiously and naively. Bucky shot him a glare.

"To sext," I answered casually. His face was blank, so I continued: "People in the 21st century send flirty and raunchy text messages with people they are dating… most of the time." I shrugged and saw Steve blush profusely. It was strange to see him blush over the start of a beard. I laughed and continued to drink my beer. I could feel both men thinking heavily.

"Is that related to nudes?" Steve asked while he was still blushing.

"Yes and no," I said and avoided Bucky's eyes which were watching me intensely. "A lot of the time people send photos of themselves naked to their partners, but some people abuse that and share them online… sometimes men just send nudes to any woman on dating sites… so it's similar I guess." I shrugged.

Steve sat back and considered this information.

"Dating in our day was a lot more straightforward," Bucky stated. "I would just have to treat a girl to a nice dinner, maybe some dancing. Now it seems to be minefield."

I inhaled and thought about Bucky taking all those girls out before the war. The girls I had seen in his memories were enthralled by his charms.

"It's not that bad," I protested. "Everyone is a lot more open. Being gay is no longer frowned upon in most countries. Now you have people being in relationships with two or more people… It's an openminded time."

"Wow," Steve gasped. "You're right. People don't have to hide who they are anymore."

"Yeah, so I'd take dick emojis and nudes over having to deal with being the perfect woman and not being able to love who I want," I said confidently before taking a drink of my beer.

"You've been with…" Steve's eyes glazed over.

"Yeah," I smirked and felt Bucky squirm next to me.

"This is such a time to be alive," Steve declared and continued to drink his beer.

That seemed to shut Bucky up.

….

When we got back to the complex, I felt Bucky follow me back to my room. He had a cheeky look on his face.

"Can I help you?" I smirked as I spun around on the threshold of my room. Bucky had his hands sheepishly in his jean pockets and was looking up at me from behind his dark eyebrows. He was making avoiding skin contact incredibly difficult.

"Well I was hoping you were going to ask me to stay," Bucky bit his lip as he looked at me charmingly. I could understand why he was so successful with the ladies before hydra.

"Oh, really?" I smiled but my stomach quivered with nerves. I felt panic descend across my skull at the idea of not being to create any distance between us.

"Yeah, I also thought it would be a great time to talk about why you've been acting strange lately," Bucky stated with a suddenly serious turn.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I sighed but walked into my room. He followed and quickly closed the door behind us.

"Since your… episode… you've been avoiding me," Bucky said as he sat down on the bed. I leaned against my dresser and folded my arms. "You started wearing gloves. It's like 50 degrees outside." Bucky sighed. "C'mon you need to tell me what's going through your head."

I bit my lip and felt tears threaten to roll down my face. I sucked in a breath. Looking down at my gloved hands, I tried to form a coherent explanation but then gave up.

"I'm getting worse," I murmured solemnly.

Bucky moved to get up, to comfort me, but I raised my hand sadly. "Stop." I whispered.

"What do you mean you're getting worse?" Bucky asked with his brows wrinkled in confusion and pain.

"I didn't explain properly before," I gulped. "They didn't finish what they did to me, I'm unfinished. The experiments they did to you, to me, to Wanda. They're trial and error. They made an error with mine and they never rectified it. My powers, they're unstable. I'm the human equivalent of a broken switch. Sometimes, I work perfectly fine – I can turn it off but other times, it isn't in my control. When I met you, I was going through a stable period, but I can swing to this phase at a moment's notice with no trigger."

Bucky sat back down and tried to process this. He sighed, and I could feel his worry like a beacon pulling me in. Tendrils of strong intense memories licked at the corner of my mind almost begging me to look.

I shook my head and tried to stay anchored in the moment.

"Can't T'Challa help you?" Bucky asked. "Isn't there something we can do?"

I closed my eyes and sighed, "I would need to complete the experiments. It is the only thing I've not tried."

"No!" Bucky refused and sprung up to grab me by the shoulders but managed to stop himself. His hands were millimetres from making contact.

I opened my eyes and tried to contain the exhaustion inside me.

"I don't know what else to do."


	12. Chapter 12 - Stop me

Natasha planned for me. She had done it secretly but then again that was her job to be secretive. I had managed to talk her down and explained that eventually T'Challa would come around, even if I was still a bit doubtful on that myself.

T'Challa had barred me from going on anymore missions until my condition had stabilised. I had decided if I couldn't go out and I couldn't help my friends, that quite naturally I should be watching terrible romantic films and eating ice cream… or drinking wine.

I dug my spoon into the tub and groaned when I heard the unwanted noise of metal hitting the cardboard bottom. I grumbled under my breath as I pulled my disgustingly backside out of bed and across the room to the bin. I dropped the tub and heard a whoosh in the receptacle as the tub was incinerated safely. As I turned back to the bed, I eyed the unopened bottle of rose I had been trying to ignore.

Without thinking, I had opened it and poured myself a glass. I snuggled back into my bed when I heard loud voices in the corridor. I had already told off one of the guards for speaking too loudly during Pride and Prejudice so I knew I couldn't keep telling them off. There would be rumours that I was a crazy person in addition to being powerfully unstable. Glass of wine in hand, I tiptoed to the door and listened. I recognised the voices. It was Bucky and Steve.

Steve was trying to convince Bucky to give me some space, but Bucky sounded incredibly reserved. Whatever Steve then said, Bucky responded with a hushed tone. I heard the voices stop then the door opened to reveal me standing eavesdropping like a middle-aged woman.

"What are you doing?" Bucky asked as he pushed past me into my room.

"Nothing," I mumbled as I clutched my glass of wine. "I wasn't listening to your conversation at all…" I trailed off and slipped back into bed.

Bucky had went into the bathroom and I could hear items of clothing drop to the floor.

"What are you doing? If you're going to shower, go to your own room," I shouted. There was a grumble then the door opened to reveal a sweaty topless Bucky with a grumpy face.

"I needed to see you," His face was serious and at that moment, I sensed I had been insensitive. Bucky always got quite touchy after a mission. It brought up bad memories even if he was doing something good. Violence isn't easily forgiven especially when you're trying to do the right thing. I nodded and leaned back onto the pillows still cradling my wine. He disappeared back into the bathroom and I downed the glass.

The shower flicked on and I heard him get in.

I could feel his memories through the walls, pushing down on me as he recalled darker moments of his past. I shook my head and grabbed the bottle of wine. I took a gulp from the bottle before I set it back down.

Images flickered into my view and I tried to close my eyes to them. I was getting better but it was still challenging to be around so many people who had such traumatic memories. Even Natasha was a struggle and she had everything on lockdown. I breathed deeply and stared at a spot on the wall. I kept counting my breath but I felt the black veins stretch out from my eyes.

I was falling. The air surged around me and my arms swung widely as they were outstretched to the train above.

I closed my eyes and didn't feel my body hit the ground.

My eyes opened, and I expected another memory. I groaned from the pressure inside my skull as I pulled myself out of Bucky's head.

I swung my arm as I readjusted it after the electricity surged through it. The metal clicked back into place.

I winced as I struggled out of the bed. I could feel other presences in the building and groaned loudly. I could hear Bucky calling my name, but I staggered out of the door. Steve was suddenly in front of me and I flinched as an onslaught of memories hit me. The surge through my veins made my breath quicken.

I slipped under.

There was a distant beeping and I was looking straight ahead at the clouds. The plane's window has a break in it. The plane picked up speed and was flying straight towards the ice-cold earth.

"Steve," I whispered as I felt the surge pick up speed. "I need you to knock me out." I forced the words out through dry lips. Steve cradled me as my knees gave out.

"I can't do that," Steve argued. "I'll take you to-"

I cried out as the beast crawled under my skull and begged me to let it out. My clothes clung to me and I started shivering. "No!" I shouted. I pulled at his arms as they tried to subdue me. "You need to."

"I can't do that, let me take you-" He pleaded.

"Ava!" Bucky shouted from the other side of the crowd.

Tears had escaped my white eyes. I managed to slip from his grasp and tried to push through the team of guards and personnel who had formed around us. I clawed at them wildly and eventually managed to get through them. I broke into a sprint and could hear the calls behind me.

The elevator doors opened just as I reached them and slid in. I tapped the button wildly and cradled myself as another tremor tore through me. The monster swirled around my mind anxiously.

"Ava! No! No-No-No!" Bucky came into view just as the doors shut.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

The elevator slowly made its way to the lobby and as soon as the doors opened, I propelled myself to the exit.

I scrambled on bare feet across the tarmac. The sound of running boots and yells rung out but I didn't stop. I kept running until I hit grass and felt my body give in.

Looking over my shoulder, I could see guards running. I weakly put up a hand to try to stop them. One came too close and I watched his body collapse. I could feel myself weeping and hear my screams, but I wasn't aware of what my body was doing.

My brain scrambled with panic and I tried to think of the best way to stop it from hurting anyone. The monster had me pressed down. I struggled to breathe. When I came back into myself, I was standing defensively in anticipation of the oncoming guards. Natasha surged through them.

"No Nat!" I screamed. "Stay back! You need to knock me out!" Natasha assessed me then nodded solemnly. She turned and sprinted away.

"Stay back!" I shouted at the guards.

"Ava!" Bucky pushed past the guards and ran towards me.

"Stop!" I shouted and held up a hand.

"Woah, I'm here to help," Bucky came to a stop as he tried to reason with me.

"I need to be knocked out," I whispered but he could hear me.

"Okay," Bucky nodded. "Why don't you come back inside-"

It rippled through me and I dropped again. I cried out and watched Bucky run towards me. I tried to say stop. He touched my skin and it moved towards him. I screamed and felt myself go under.

Bucky groaned in pain and I could hear him. I was watching myself hurt him through a glass window. I had been separated from my body. His pain was so strong that I was banging against the glass and crying out for someone to help him.

"Hey!" Natasha shouted and my eyes swung towards. Her gun was trained on me and my body had started to reach out to her. I screamed no and heard it echoed. Bucky was getting up to throw himself in front of her.

"I need to knock her out," Natasha shouted angrily. My vision swung back to Bucky whose body was shielding me. My hand wrapped around his shoulder and with a surge of memories and pain, I pushed him down.

His cries echoed around me in my prison and I screamed. I finally came back into control and ripped my hand off of him.

"Natasha!" I called out. "Do it now!"

She nodded and just as the shot rung out, my body forced me back into its prison.

Then everything went black.


	13. Chapter 13 - Bucky gets hit

I woke up to find myself alone in a medical room. My eyes darted about the room and began to recognise the grey cement walls. I pushed myself up to a seated position and felt my skin tighten in places. Tears stung my eyes as I struggled to comprehend how I had gotten back here.

Looking down, I realised I was covered in electrodes and sticky wires. I ripped them from my skin and found a drip inserted into the crook of my elbow. I winced as I pulled it out roughly. The machines around me started beeping wildly.

I steeled myself and rushed to the door. My hand pulled at the tired metal handle. I tried not to cry as I pulled at it wildly. After a moment of struggle, it finally opened with a soft click. The door opened slowly, and I peered into the grey dark corridor. No one was around, and I tried to remember the way out of the building.

My back brushed along the corridor wall as I came to a stop at a corner. A guard was standing at a door further along and I drew back to take a deep breath. My hands went around the corner first and twisted as I pulled at the strings that connected his memories together. He screamed, and I ran past his body. I looked back over my shoulder to see him struggling back up.

The sound of my bare feet hitting the cement became entwined with the sound of an alarm. I slid around another corner to find two officers in dark uniforms frozen in mid-conversation as they saw me. They both reached for their guns at the same time and a reflex kicked in. I pulled my hands into fists and cried out. They fell towards me with emotionless faces. It was almost like they were going to sleep.

I grabbed a gun from one of them and kept going. I knew the exit was somewhere close. I checked the next intersection. I turned my head as I tried to survey the darkened corridors which were being flashed with a red light.

A hand shot out from nowhere and it felt so cold against my skin when it grabbed my shoulder.

My eyes found a masked guard with his gun in one hand and his other hand holding me. I reacted quickly and butted him with the end of my gun. He fell back and trained his gun on me.

"Stop," The voice said. I shook myself as I struggled to place it. "Stop." He repeated.

"No," I hissed. "I won't let you do this to me anymore." I surged forward and tried to find his mind. I struggled. It felt like I was trying to push through a fog. I hissed and aimed the gun at him. He tackled me, and we fell to the ground. I struck out wildly and caught his jaw through the mask. He huffed out a breath but still pinned me down.

"Stop," He whispered pained. "Stop… Ava, Stop…" I still couldn't place the voice and looked at him in shock for using my name.

"Let me go," I shouted and struck out again. This time, I kneed him between the legs. He fell back. I picked up my gun which had been dropped in the fight and pressed it against his mask.

"Don't make me do it," I whispered and pressed the handgun harder against the mask.

I felt an electrical current pulse through me. I looked down at my bare leg and saw some small nodes. I followed the wire back up and the room rippled around me.

Behind me, Natasha was standing with a tazer held out. I stared at her and looked back at the guard as I fell. In my bleary vision, the mask faded, and Bucky crawled towards me before I blacked out again.

…

The room was warm, too warm. I groaned as I reached to push off the covers and found my hands restrained. My eyes shot open to find myself in a white room. I tried to sit up but couldn't. I looked down and found metal restraints enclosed around my wrists.

"They're for your safety," T'Challa was standing at the end of the bed with his arms crossed. He looked angry.

I sighed and fell back as the memories surged back to me. "I know," I said softly. "I remember… Is Bucky… Did I do… Is he hurt?"

T'Challa shook his head. "He is fine. You on the other hand are not."

I tried to smile but my face was sore. "How could you tell? Is it me being strapped to a bed? Or attacking my friends that gave you a clue?" I chuckled but ended up coughing.

T'Challa sucked in a breath. "I have never seen you this bad."

I grimaced and looked up at the IV bag. It was filled with a dark blue liquid.

"You're giving it to me?" I asked but I knew the answer.

"Yes," T'Challa stated. "I have tried everything else… It made you worse." He looked away and signalled for some medical staff to come in.

"I'm sorry," I whispered and felt the guilt wash over me.

"It is not your fault," He snapped. "Don't you apologize for what they did to you."

The medical staff started to readjust my wires and drips. Then one of them offered a new bag to T'Chall and he nodded.

"We are going to up your dosage," T'Challa stated. "It is just enough to keep you lucid but you will gain a tolerance like you did before. It will hurt." I nodded and T'Challa nodded. The medic moved forward and changed the bags.

"Sergeant Barnes wants to sit with you. Do you want him to witness this?" T'Challa asked.

I just nodded and watched the liquid move down the tube slowly.

When I looked away, Bucky was standing sheepishly at the door and exchanged some words. I couldn't focus as the liquid hit my blood. My eyes swam when Bucky sat down and took my hand.

"I love you," I whispered. My eyes closed in exhaustion.

"I love you," Bucky replied softly. "How you feeling?"

"I'm sorry," was all I could say before the liquid started to push through my body. I winced.

"Ava?" He asked.

"Don't try to stop this," I groaned through the pain. "I need this." I opened my eyes to meet his. Our eyes were locked and hoped he understood this silent promise.

I struggled against the restraints and cried out. The pain ripped through my spine.

"Ava!" He shouted but I couldn't see anything. My vision fogged and clouded so all I could feel was the pain.

I screamed.

There was silence when I opened my eyes.

I went to sit up. I still had on my restraints.

With a thought, I watched them unbuckle. There was a gasp and I looked up to see Bucky watching me.

"Ava," He whispered.

"Bucky," I replied but I sounded like I was speaking underwater. I sat up and got out the bed. I swayed at the motion. He was standing at the door and was holding his hands up defensively.

"What is it?" I asked confused as I threaded my hand into his metal one. He let me take his hand tentatively.

"Your eyes," He pointed and moved away to grab one of the metal trays. He held it up and stared at my reflection.

My eyes were still white. I tried to breathe slower and focused on trying to calm down. I opened and closed my eyes. The black veins had disappeared, but my eyes were still white.

"Shit," I murmured. "I can't get them to go away." I looked up at Bucky and he was watching me with concern.


End file.
